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There are a lot of theories on what really sparks change, but the common theme boils down to an event or realization that can be labeled as " the straw that broke the camel's back." In other words, many of us don't make a change until we are "sick and tired of being sick and tired."
What gets us caught up in this cycle of starting and stopping?
Dissociation is a process by which we disengage from our reality where we almost deny the factual evidence of our existence.
In other words, we have convinced ourselves that we are not out of shape, not in an unhealthy failing relationship, or not caught up in addiction, regardless of the evidence.
This distorted reality stops us from changing or doesn’t allow us to be sick and tired enough.
Confirmation bias causes one to develop a belief and then compile data and opinions that agree with or "confirm" our belief. This will extinguish any movement toward change.
"Most marriages don't last this long so we can't be doing that bad."
"There is just not enough time in my day to exercise."
" My success has a glass ceiling because of my race or ethnicity."
These are beliefs that lead to confirmation bias and eventually lead to reduced effort or being frozen.
The "pink elephant paradox" loosely defined means the more we try to suppress thoughts the more recurrent they become. This is the beginning of the road to being "sick and tired of being sick and tired".
To change yourself or your situation you must accept the need and be resilient enough to face it head-on. After we have dissociated (given ourselves excuses), used confirmation bias ( garnered support for our excuses), and subscribed to the pink elephant paradox (attempted to suppress the obvious need for change), we have to let the straw break the camel's back finally.
The only way to progress toward change is to have the hard conversations with yourself that you have been avoiding. The moment you can admit that you are the problem becomes the moment you can start making a momentous and permanent change.
I encourage you to face your need for change today. Running from it makes it grow stronger and more extensive. Be a little harder on yourself. You read that correctly. Tell yourself to "stop making excuses", "There is enough time", "I am not perfect", "I deserve better", "I am hurting someone "or "Someone is hurting me."
Face yourself and stop coddling and justifying your lack of action. Others that are observing you can see it plainly, they see the pink elephant in the room, but you have become so accustomed to the dysfunction that you simply move over and allow him the space on the couch.
Make it a Great Day!
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