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We all have been raised with what can be called a moral compass. This is usually established by the rules set forth by our parents in their household. Subconsciously we adopted most if not all of their belief system and we carry it forth into adulthood, which is called multigenerational transference. Every adult has come to a point where they stop themselves and say "I sound just like my parents." This transfer of ideologies has just as many negative effects as positive effects. The dysfunction, prejudices, and manipulative nature of some households will only relay those ideas to generations that come after. We have all seen the postcards of lynchings with young white children smiling and posing for the photo. In fact, history shows that white children were taken out of school in order to view a lynching or a barbecue (signifying the burning of a black person) as if it was a circus or a special occasion. The same holds true for our creators of American democracy. History shows that our first three American presidents owned slaves. The one who owned the most slaves , upwards of 600, became one of the primary architects of the Bill of Rights, Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson who publicly spoke out against slavery lived a hypocritical lifestyle while impregnation a female slave Sally Hemings six times starting at the age of 14! Abraham Lincoln who became famous for freeing the slaves was ultimately concerned about the union rather than the abolishing of slavery: "My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the union without freeing any slaves I would do it, and if I could save it by freeing all the slaves I would " Abraham Lincoln When looking at transgenerational transferrence how are we to feel when knowing that the individuals who wrote the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights did so with a supremist mindset that saw black people as less than human? Are we to believe that there was a sudden change of consciousness when it became time to write these extremely important documents? The real history, not HIS story depicts a country that has a multigenerational transference that involves dehumanization, colonization, and egregious abuse. When it is time to heal from our past misteps, the first step is admitting there was indeed a problem. This is why AA has individuals introduce themselves as alcoholics. This is the launching point toward recovery. How is this country suppose to heal if we continually run from the truth? Everytime a politician attempts to erase slavery by privatizing education and removing accounts from the history books we move further away from the beginning of healing. As long as we depict Thanksgiving as a dinner between differing cultures and hide the raping, killing, and pillaging of Native Americans we move further away from healing. As long as we ignore that the inception of many of our current agencies were built on a foundation of evil , such as the police department being former slave patrols or the HOA primarily being used to shut blacks out of certain neighborhoods we can't begin to heal. As sad as it may sound, we are not surprised by the sudden rise on antisemitic and Palestinian attacks because this country has been built on a lack of tolerance and the desire to harm and kill what is different. This is a "wake up" blog entry! Just as we walk, talk, and act like our parents and grandparents so do the people who were immersed in cultures of supremacy and hate. Our past is not that far behind us. Your job is to stay "woke" True knowledge serves to protect us from repeating our mistakes.

Sometimes we fail to appreciate the power of human influence. Studies have shown that infants and young children can read and react to facial expressions, voice tone, posture etc. Many times we disregard our actions around these younger beings but our behaviors are helping to shape their personalities and moral compasses. Before we can ever verbalize boundaries, rules, and expectations they have tapped into our system of behavioral reactions and expectations. This concept is consistent across all relationships in regard to the child. Older siblings, coaches, teachers, friends, family, and media input conjointly effects or shapes this future adult. The concept of social conformity has been proven to be a very powerful force in human decision making. Social conformity or peer pressure gives the brain the feeling of stability as it isthe brain's priority to seek comfort, synchronization, and safety. So, from a very early phase of development we are fighting forces in order to shape our children in the manner we desire. I wonder if we had previously considered all these factors if many of us would have conceived children so frivolously. Social conformity has become the norm. Authenticity has become such an outdated concept and much more difficult to uphold as the world seeks to be immersed in every trend and social media challenge. The positive aspect of social conformity is that if we weave ourselves into positive and progressive crowds then we will be influenced to be more progressive ourselves. It is just as important in adulthood to be open to shaping as it is during our early development. As adults we tend to get stagnant as we rage against the machine and take the stance that we aren't changing for anyone. This proves to be our biggest mistake and the true hindrance to our growth and success. With the many challenges of adulthood, perpetual learning and renewal seems absolutely necessary. In a world that is advancing at the speed of light, we will be left behind if we depend on our abbreviated knowledge. This knowledge usually comes as the result of social connections to other people. The military has shown us that we can run further and faster and do more with the help of a community mindset. Within any platoon there are people that are stronger than you which gives you a goal to strive toward. There are also those that are weaker who look to you as the motivator. However , the significant dynamic is the desire that everyone arrives at the same time. If we approach life in this manner we will discover that we are never finished learning. We can still be shaped. What we often do is operate in a silo mentality where we only socialize with those who accept us without challenging us. I dare say we hang around those we are equal or superior to, so we are always in the position to teach but never to learn. Those who accept us as we are often accept our poor decisions. Love does not mean you shouldn't tell me I'm fat or allow me to continually alter my body without atleast telling me I'm beautiful just as I am. If you love me as I am, do you truly love me? Love me enough to push me toward my potential unapologetically. Confront my laziness, my insensitivity, and my anger because you want to see me do better. Love me into the best version of myself. Authentic romantic relationships are integral in our continual shaping. Our partner sees our blind spots and can challenge us with love. The person who spends the most time with you can easily identify shortcomings and challenge you to change them. Are you ready to be shaped? Integrate yourself into crowds that are uncomfortable, places where you aren't the smartest or most successful person in the room Find a "truth teller." Befriend someone who will tell you that you are wrong. Give this person permission to give you critical feedback. Acquire knowledge that isn't assigned by your job or school. Seek material that challenges your view of yourself and your behaviors. Challenge yourself by learning something new. Embrace some form of spiritual guidance regularly. Whatever your beliefs are, find a resource to feed you in that area. Ask people about their journey to success. Sometimes people have traversed paths so we can follow in their footsteps. Listen more than you speak. You can learn something from everyone and a day should not go by without learning something new. Stop placing yourself into crowds that you know dumb you down. I'd rather be alone than amongst fools. Learn the power of "no." Remember, bad company corrupts good morals. Be open to being continually shaped and open to learning. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Please be ready to tune in to provoking conversations that will impact men and women.

Confirmation Bias is when our brains actively seek out supporting facts, information, and acquaintances that fall in line with our preconceptions. We often strengthen our beliefs by building a foundation of support from various sources. If a person believes in the need for more stringent gun control laws, they may lean toward a more liberal media source. An individual who leans toward more intensive abortion restrictions may be more apt to be attracted to a more conservative media outlet. As it is denoted by the title, bias tends to drown out objectivity and pushes us in the direction of silos. If your confirmation bias sees all men as unfaithful and controlling your brain will seek out facts that confirm the belief. In essence, your bias has blinded you to the possibility that good men exist, and you are simply waiting for the "shoe to drop." If we assume that all white people carry the draconian and cruel tendencies of their colonizing ancestors, we will never open ourselves up to the possibility of white friends. Blinders are only good for horses as they help to keep them focused and eliminate the distractions around them. When we place blinders on we eliminate the positivity input can bring. The limitations that confirmation bias creates in our social relationships cause us to socialize only with those who agree with our ideas, thereby placing us in an echo chamber where our beliefs are repeated and reinforced. Being around individuals who share such similarities ultimately stunts our growth. This concept also sets the groundwork for future interactions. If your mind has bought into the belief that nothing goes your way, it will compile information to give the appearance that a situation or experience is negative. If your brain has bought into imposter syndrome you will bomb the job interview as every fact that has been compiled to prove you don't belong is manifested in your actions. If you start to believe you are never chosen or worthy of being chosen, you will subliminally build a case to feed that tattered self-concept which sabotages any positive possibility. “The biases we have adopted throughout ourme are stereotypical roadmaps that guide us down paths of monotony. By closing off our minds to oppositive beliefs, different social crowds, and different environments, we have missed opportunities to be shaped or reshaped as we mature. We amputate ourselves from the opportunity of new relationships and have placed others into a box that keeps them imprisoned in our concept of them.” Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. Confirmation bias can have positive effects if your mind has faith and is convinced of your personal talents and abilities. In other words, if you believe you can, your mind will continually find proof that you can, and ultimately, you will. So how do we curtail or eliminate the negative aspects of confirmation bias? 1. We have to climb out of our silos and spend time with people who may share different beliefs. By seeking to understand their point of view as opposed to debating it, we will ultimately gain facts that do not align with yours creating more objectivity. 2. We also need to listen to those who know us and can give us honest criticism. Embracing the positive things, they say about us will reinforce a positive bias toward our abilities while embracing their criticisms will start to give us balance. 3. Most importantly, we have to be purposeful about seeing every situation, transaction, and relationship as autonomous of all previous interactions. We cannot drag old preconceptions and beliefs into new situations. This takes a strong commitment to challenge negative thoughts and trauma triggers. The only way we ever will reset our mindset is through intentionality. Every new person deserves a new starting line and the freedom to not be judged against your past. Start today! Challenge the very foundations you have developed over your lifetime while opening up the exchange of differing ideas regarding others and yourself and watch yourself flourish as you become more open-minded. #changedmindschangelives #confirmationbias #bethesunshine

Why do many of us refuse to accept the growth and maturation of others? I’m pretty sure most of us can look back and see growth in areas of our lives. As we age, our perspectives and responsibilities evolve, and we mature accordingly. An individual who made mistakes at the age of twenty-five should not be continuously reminded of those mistakes into their forties. You must realize that there are some advantages to people reminding you of your failures. First, it makes them feel better about their own lack of growth and maturity. Remember misery loves company. These are the same people who will encourage you to participate in many of the practices you have fought to untangle yourself from. These individuals also develop a sense of superiority over you when they “know where the bodies are buried” so to speak. They will induce a forced humility upon you by never letting you forget where you came from. However, It is our fault if we continue to subject ourselves to individuals who do not cheer us on as we grow. Change is equivalent to death, and they are mourning the person to whom they have become accustomed. It is almost as if they are burying a friend, but those who are true friends will not only embrace but encourage your journey toward improvement. However, you will quickly notice that your circle will get smaller as friends fall by the wayside. Do not be discouraged by those who do not stick with you throughout your journey because their presence will quickly become weights that slow your journey. Airplanes are closely monitored for weight capacity as heavy loads will decrease the plane's speed, ability to accelerate, ability to ascend, and ability to land safely. That is what happens when you decide to stay involved with those who attempt to box you in; they are affecting your ascension forward and upwards. These dream killers are like vampires who latch on and attempt to suck out your hopes and aspirations. So, your charge is to continue to improve and seek to be better on a daily basis; rather than allowing your regrets to be used as a weapon, use them as motivators. Ignore those who seek to belittle your accomplishments. “Our willingness to downplay our maturation in order to avoid disrupting others as they wade in waters of mediocrity is a discredit to the knowledge we have gained through our mistakes and the hard work we have put forth to grow and experience the manifestation of our experiences and knowledge. We must never dim our light so that others can feel comfortable.” Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

There are many breeds of animals that hunt in packs or cooperatively. Lions travel and hunt in packs to ensure the capture and killing of larger game such as Buffalo. They also share in the spoils to ensure that every member of the pack receives sustenance. This pack mentality also serves as a protective barrier against other packs that seek to kill off the young or males and take over the pack. This behavior is also seen in wolves. In fact, the cooperation is so strong amongst wolves that mother wolves will regurgitate food from their mouths to feed their young who may be too young to hunt. Wolves also utilize the strength in their numbers to protect against other predators or opposing packs. Adversely some animals are solitary and therefore hunt and eat alone. Cheetahs, Leopards, and Jackals are mainly solitary animals that travel, hunt, and eat alone. Their survival is solely dependent upon their ability to hunt or ( in the Jackal's case) steal food. These animals retire off by themselves and enjoy the entire catch and even hide the remains to have seconds. What is interesting is that the human race once participated in a cooperative system for survival and protection. Before the rise of technology and capitalism, societies worked together to ensure everyone ate sufficiently and was protected from harm. As we look back on the civil rights era, we see a race of people that had no choice but to stick together. After reconstruction, the Black community endured violent acts of domestic terrorism that dismantled any progress that had been made since the abolition of slavery. The community stuck together, assisted one another, ensured the safety of each other, and made sure everyone was fed. It was the tyranny of the so-called dominant race that pushed the Black community into a more cohesive unit. Leaders such as Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr. had no shortage of people who rallied behind them. Their religions differed, but their beliefs were very similar. They believed that the only way Black people would obtain what was owed to them was through a community, cooperative, and team effort. So, what has happened to this cooperative mentality? The Black community is no longer housed within the same zip code, tax bracket, or even political party. Many Black people have obtained education, prestige, and wealth while others wade in the waters of poverty. The Black community is now scattered. It is no longer cooperative because success has numbed senses and many are oblivious to the struggle of those who are still in ghettos and housing projects. It is not a bad thing that some have become upwardly mobile, but it becomes a problem when it causes a state of amnesia in regard to what people who look like them still endure. "A punch does more damage than a slap because the five fingers are pulled together into a tightly compact ball of cooperation, making a fist; When the fingers are separated there is less unity and therefore less power" The reason our issues are still the same as what our parents endured yet we do not see the strength of resistance is because we have scattered. Not necessarily in proximity but in purpose. If someone has been able to do better than the previous generation, it is their job to reach back and join the cooperation of others and not to hoard what they have and turn their backs on where they have come from. How much strength would we garner if, with all of our education and wealth, we became cooperative like a pack of Lions? So, today I ask, are you a Lion who runs with the pack that ensures nourishment and protection for others or are you a Jackal who has simply stolen the crumbs and spare parts of leftovers and run off into your space to feed yourself? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I'm sure by now you have heard of how Coach Deion Sanders has turned the Colorado Buffaloes college football team around and additionally re-energized a team of young men and a nation. Before we get into the "prime effect " allow me to share a bit of Deion Sander's resume, for those of you who only know him as Coach Prime. Sanders played college football for the Florida State Seminoles where he won the Jim Thorpe Award which goes to the top college defensive player. During the highly touted NFL Combine which puts college athletes on display by taking them through various football-related drills, Sanders ran the 40-yard dash twice. His first time was 4.3, so he ran it again posting a 4.2, at which point he jumped in a waiting limousine and drove off to the airport. He was selected by the Falcons fifth overall in the 1989 NFL Draft and played football primarily as a cornerback, while also making appearances as a return specialist and wide receiver. During his career, he was named to eight Pro Bowls, received six first-team All-Pros, and made consecutive Super Bowl appearances in Super Bowl XXIX with the 49ers and Super Bowl XXX with the Cowboys, winning both. He was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the College Football Hall of Fame in 2011. But it doesn't stop there. Sanders was a three-sport athlete in college and a two-sport athlete professionally. While the Metro Conference baseball and track championships were being played simultaneously in Columbia, South Carolina, Sanders played in the conference semifinal baseball game against Southern Mississippi, ran a leg of a 4 × 100 relay, and then returned to play in the baseball championship game against Cincinnati. He played professional football and professional baseball at the same time and many times on the same day. He is the only person who has hit a home run and scored a touchdown on the same day. Yes, Sanders has won at everything he has done, his awards and rings show it. But how does this "prime effect " inspire and energize others in and out of his proximity? 1. Coach Prime has total and undeniable confidence in his ability to be successful. He had to be convinced of his abilities before he decided to take on such huge obstacles, it's not something that comes along the journey. 2. Coach Prime instills that belief in his players first by deed and secondly by repetitive encouragement. In other words, yes his reputation proceeds him, but he tells his players that they can do the same or more. 3. He faces obstacles as manageable rather than insurmountable. He has already surpassed expectations because he never focuses on the greatness of the opposition, he focuses on the greatness of his players and coaches. 4. He never folds or shows vulnerability under adversity. It's the same effect when plane passengers feel turbulence and look at the flight attendant. If they show fear, it becomes a problem and anxiety sets in. Coach Prime has the same fire, facial expressions, and positive attitude whether up by 10 points or down by 10 points. So who is your prime? Everyone needs that one person in their life who always sees the glass half full and can offer an encouraging word when you are at your weakest point. Your prime will always see a way out or a way to manage a situation; they will always see a better day ahead. It also helps if that person has endured similar adversity and was able to endure and overcome it. This person needs to have confidence that they are good at what they do and that you can be just as good. Also, this person needs to remain steadfast even during the most turbulent times, so if you look at them you feel a spirit of calm rather than anxiety. However, there is one thing that makes the relationship with your prime successful, you have to buy into it. Many of us will actually get tired of hearing the positivity of a situation and would rather sit in their desperation. This is simply a waste of a good "prime" person. Also, his players have retained his lessons of positivity. Many of you will read this blog, and become motivated to embrace or find your prime person, but be down and depressed next week because you never retained what Prime taught you. "Positivity is contagious which is why we should put our energy toward gravitating toward people who display a spirit of exhortation while avoiding those who wade in the moments of negativity, even if that person is ourselves ". Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. You read that correctly, many times we are our worst enemy as we isolate and trap ourselves in a place while listening to our own negativity. It is at these moments you should be finding your "prime" I challenge you to find your prime, and if you already have one embrace them, listen to them, use them as an example, match their energy, and retain their instruction. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

It has been studied and proven that competition brings out the best in human beings. When individuals are posed against others in fierce opposition there is an uncanny physical and mental response that pulls innate qualities that we didn't know we harnessed. It is commonly known that in regard to track and field lanes 7 through 9 are the most undesirable. It has been said that the inability to see your competitors, most importantly the faster competitors in lanes 3 through 5, has a negative psychological effect. The inability to see your foe diminishes the competitive nature and thereby does not unearth those adrenaline-driven qualities. Studies have shown that physical effort increases significantly when a person is placed in a competitive situation. Reaction times increase, strength increases, speed increases, and stamina increases. However, the same study shows that competition will have a negative effect on cognition and memory. Competition can drive you to do your best momentarily through the injection of adrenaline but has no sustainable advantages on your mental capacity. Competition does not help you in the workplace or the classroom and it definitely does not help you in your social circles, in fact, it produces an adverse effect. What if we discovered that the very absence of competition brings out the best in us physically, emotionally, and cognitively? During a recent golf trip, I had the pleasure of spending the day with three men. I was well acquainted with all of them, but the three of them had just met for the first time on that day. All of these gentlemen are at the top of their game vocationally. They have PHDs, they own businesses, they own real estate, and are very well regarded in their respective communities. An interesting thing happened during the tournament, they never mentioned their positions, their salary, their successes, or their titles, and we never kept score. We chose not to compete, not just in regard to the game, but in all aspects. Over the span of a four-hour period, these men shared transparencies, weaknesses, anxieties, and stressors that never would have been disclosed in the midst of a bravado-filled competition or therapy session. The lack of competition brought out the best in us. Men have always been taught that their career, their money, or their women define them. Since we were children we have compared our adventure people and our big wheels to see whose was better. This simply built walls of falsified narratives that we carried into manhood, causing us to inflate our position, our salary, our stature, and more importantly our ego. “Sometimes the best way to see the authenticity of a person is when they are uninhibited and not heavily guarded by ego and competition.” Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. We always want to demonize Delilah who deviously discovered and divulged Sampson's weakness, but have you ever considered the amount of comfort and peace Sampson was experiencing in order to divulge his deepest secrets? He felt comfortable being transparent and vulnerable because he was not in competition. “The only way to be our best self is to be our authentic self, a self that is void of competitors, haters, and dream killers.” Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. I challenge you to surround yourself with people whom you can comfortably share your shortcomings, fears, and vulnerabilities with. People who are not in competition with you. That's when you will become your best self. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I may be dating myself a bit, but when I was growing up my mother made sure I wore "school clothes " when accompanying her downtown or to any appointments. She also made certain that whenever I left the proximity of our neighborhood that I was appropriately dressed as a representation of her. I was also told that every man should have at least one full suit (tie included) and a pair of dress shoes in his closet. Now, I am fully aware that it is 2023 and the culture has changed. Today you can find executives wearing suits with tennis shoes and Pastors with Jordans. In today's society culture has shaped the leaders instead of the leaders shaping the culture. Many have raged against the machine and decided to refrain from dressing professionally for job interviews, meetings, and even fine dining. I stand on the premise that you should always dress for your next level, dress as a representation of your upbringing, and most importantly, dress how you want to be addressed. You may be oblivious, but the majority of people interact with you according to their first impression of you. That first impression is 70% non-verbal which means they have observed you before they ever engage you. If you have made the decision to wear your Jordans and skinny jeans to a job networking event, those who have the power to promote you have already disregarded you. And if you are passing out business cards wearing the same outfit, you may as well collect your business cards from the trash on your way out. If we regard things as important our wardrobe and demeanor should reflect it. Why have we destroyed barriers and shattered glass ceilings to show up as if we don't belong? If you truly believe it's your destiny to be in rooms where deals and decisions are made then you should arrive dressed for the occasion. My motto is "My next boss may be in this room, therefore, I stay ready, so I don't have to get ready." Ladies, unfortunately, it's more difficult for you. I understand that many of you have amazing "assets" that will be accentuated no matter what outfit you wear, however, there is a difference between "leaving things to our imagination" and "letting it all hang out" for everyone to see. For example, a sundress is a subtle piece of attire that outlines the God-given "blessings" of the female body, but it can be worn respectfully and with style. If a woman chooses to let her assets bulge out of her top or out the bottom of her shorts, the imagination takes flight and men have instantly categorized her. She has now become a conquest to satisfy his curiosities. She is game or prey and he is the hunter. Let me let you in on a little secret, these "situationships" may be long-lived, but she will never move from the category of his first impression into the category of wife. She dressed a certain way, and she was addressed in kind. If I am not intimately involved with you, I should have to rely on speculation of your assets not confirmation. Most women who dress respectfully do not get approached often because they have already given the aura that they are not available for games. Ladies, also remember that you are a representation of your partner and a display of how well you are loved so dress accordingly on your quick trips for groceries. A man swells with pride when he knows his woman is looking good in public. Who is to blame for this trend? Well, it all starts with leadership, fathers can be found bragging about their Jordan collection and their sons follow their lead. Mom dresses for the club as if she is preparing to swing from a pole while her very impressionable daughter watches in the doorway. Pastors have become businessmen and are more interested in attendance than in spreading the word, so they deem their church casual in hopes to draw more people in. Executives fear a litigious society and allow employees to dress "comfortably " and color their hair like cartoon characters. Again, society and culture have molded leadership instead of leaders molding society. There are so many old ways of thinking that need to be rewound and added to our present culture and our outward presentation is one of them. Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. I urge you to look around, there are still individuals who dress to impress but you have to be vigilant because most times they are taking an elevator to a floor or going into a conference room where you and your Jordans don't have access. "Dress how you want to be addressed" #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine