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I don't profess to know the young lady who is making headlines in our current news cycle or her predecessor who fell from his Empire. I also would not be in a rush to exploit nor dilute the seriousness of mental illness by giving every asinine decision a diagnosis. However, as I have watched the decline of moral values and the reestablishment of a new set of role models in our society, I must say I am not at all surprised by recent events. Our society has placed more value on the person who can garner the most attention, receive the most views, or be a viral sensation than on people who abide by the law, work hard to become educated, and subscribe to a sense of morality. There used to be a time when private events in our homes were held with intense security. There was a feeling of embarrassment for ourselves and those who raised us if our secrets were ever revealed publicly. Now it seems negative attention or publicity is just as valuable as positive publicity. Think about it, a leaked sex tape has made a family into multimillionaires, reality stars, and dare I say, "role models." A former president of the United States has been heard degrading women, inciting a riot, and accused of sharing secret documents and has more charges than any person I have ever grown up with, yet he is worshipped by many. A Caucasian teen murders a protestor and goes home to sleep in his bed and his reward was an invitation to the White House! We live in a society where right can be defined as wrong and vice versa, so ask yourself the question, did this young lady's actions have their desired outcome? We have (FOMO) Fear Of Missing Out, to a certain degree, this society has made us all clamor for the spotlight. Many of us cannot celebrate the accomplishments of others before we are off and into the lab working on our own "Influencer" campaign. We spend every day faced with individuals who have made riches while possessing a fourth of the education we have, but that is not our path or our blessing. Unfortunately, the push toward the spotlight and the lack of inhibitions displayed for the sake of fame can no longer be blamed on bad parenting. Attachment Disorder would tell us that she is suffering from an insecure attachment experienced in childhood that has caused such behavior, but contrary to this theory, many well-equipped children and adults choose to make poor decisions because they feel the reward is worth it. So, am I condoning what was done? Absolutely not! I find it disturbing that for African Americans, who have fought for so long to just get authorities to respond to our calls, some may choose to make fake calls disgusting. However what I am saying is, she is a product of this reversed, dichotomous, ambiguous, and immoral society. In fact, if there is a diagnosis to be rendered, I would attach it to society as a whole. We live in a Histrionic Personality Disordered society. This disorder is marked by unstable emotions, distorted self-image, and an overwhelming desire for attention. The disorder often drives individuals to behave dramatically or inappropriately to obtain the attention they so deeply desire. Now, have I diagnosed her or have I diagnosed our society? If found guilty of making a false police report she should receive the punishment deemed appropriate under the law, but she has not been the first and will not be the last. In fact, I'd venture to say, she is one of the few who just got caught. The real question is what solves this problem for the generations that come behind us who see a society that applauds attention-grabbing behavior? How do we tell them that leaking your sex tape, degrading women, or faking your own assault is not one of the choices on your ladder to success when it actually is??? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Have you ever stopped to consider that men require and have just as much of a need for intimacy as women? Although our society has changed and become more accepting of interchanging emotional roles, for the most part, men still live under an expectation of bravado and machismo. Men are also expected to step into the role of comforter. There is nothing safer than the arms of a strong man when times are uncertain or when someone needs to be uplifted. This Teflon-like image helps to create an outer shell to seal the threats from affecting our loved ones while simultaneously sealing in our own emotional reactions. It is not only our physical constitution that comes with the expectation of protection, it is something that is instilled in us from childhood when we are told to "get up and shake it off" after falling off our bike. “Men are taught from an early age to bottle emotions that could be categorized as feminine, but we were never given an alternative means of healthy expression. The emotions still exist hovering just below the surface swelling like a clogged pipe and unless an appropriate channel of release is identified, the emotions will undoubtedly be expressed explosively; the pipes will burst.” Men have suffered in dark corners since the beginning of time. Our peers have reinforced the misnomer that vulnerability is weakness, so instead we choose violence, anger, isolation, or simply ignoring its existence. If you are privy to a "nesting" of men which is simply a group of guys, the conversation spans everything between golf, football, and finances, but never broaches emotions or disappointments. Could this partly be the reason men engage in unacceptable and at times, unscrupulous outlets to receive intimacy? Most men are only held, hugged, or the center of someone’s immersion during sexual activity. During sex, a man can feel the closeness of a tight embrace that he is always asked to be the initiator of. Therefore, multiple sexual partners may increase the chance of multiple occurrences of intimacy. During intimacy, a man has undivided attention, closeness, personal touch, and if he is lucky, a quiet and targeted conversation afterward that may focus on him. In a study of female sex workers, many reported that many of their male clients simply wanted to be listened to. It was revealed that these men were often inundated with the problems of everyone around them and expected to find solutions, yet were forced to bottle up their own worries, anxieties, and frustrations. The research also revealed they sought hugs, reassurance, and affirmations which they expressed were things that were not easily obtained in everyday life. The research implied that the majority of the transaction was relational as opposed to sexual in nature. These men were attempting to replicate a lack of intimacy they had not received. In her research, Brené Brown observed that people tend to view showing vulnerability as a strength in others but see it as a weakness in themselves. Anna Bruk and her colleagues at the University of Mannheim in Germany recently gathered evidence to support Brown’s study by creating several scenarios involving vulnerability and participants tended to agree with statements such as: “By showing my vulnerability, I am showing weakness.” To exacerbate the fear, the study showed that showing vulnerability repeatedly to the same people may not be perceived in a favorable light; people who frequently disclose negative information are perceived less favorably by friends and receive less support from their romantic partners (2021, October 28) The Benefits of Letting Yourself Be Vulnerable, Psychology Today. This unfortunate statistic shows that many do not have a soft place to land, and we are perpetuating a circular and systemic negative cycle. We all have had a part in contaminating this part of our environment and we all must take part in correcting it. Men have to be brave enough to be transparent while mature enough to accept the vulnerability of their peers. Women have to be introspective enough to share the space for his vulnerability while giving him the same comforts they’d expect. Finally, we all have to safeguard each other's secrets and never use them as weapons because we are ultimately destroying the chance of change. We have to provide everyone with a safe space. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I'm sure we have heard the quote "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger " to the point of nauseum. However, depending on your mindset (there's that word again) we can find a way to make all setbacks work to our advantage. Adversely, with the wrong approach and wrong mindset, these disruptions methodically add to our demise. We eventually develop patterns that fuel the processes of self-destruction, self-deprecating, and self-sabotage. I would venture to say that the only difference between Self-Mastery and Self-Destruction is the decisions made in moments of adversity. I would also say that individuals who have embraced and practiced a lifestyle of Self-Mastery are more successful, more positive, and more driven people who inhabit leadership mantles while those wading in the waters of Self-Destruction slowly drown in the rivers of their self-sabotage. So let's define what Self-Mastery looks like: 1. Denial of Persistent Comfort- it is a human trait to always look for the softest place to land or the most restful existence, however, the incessant expedition toward amenity creates a docility and thereby an unpreparedness for tenuous circumstances. In other words, an individual with self-mastery does not allow themselves to get soft. In fact, they embrace the discomfort as opportunities to grow, learn, and strengthen. "A man who is unwilling or unable to deny himself the comforts of his flesh deliberately, cannot be trusted during periods of paucity and distress, for it is these men who have become proficient at comfort rather than insufficiency. " Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr 2. Refusing to Adopt the Negative Outlook- we all realize bad days and bad moments will come, but what's most important is our reaction to them. Self-Mastery pushes one to find the lesson, create a positive position, or reframe those moments. These individuals not only flip these situations on their heads, but they do it quickly because quite honestly what good does it do to dwell on an obstacle? 3. Always Focused on Self-Improvement- these individuals are never satisfied with their state in life. They will always strive for more knowledge, improved skills, expansive social networks, and influential positions. This is not a result of being ego-driven, it is the result of wanting to add strengths and reduce weaknesses. 4. Remain Goal Oriented- Self-Mastery cannot sit idle because their sights are always focused on a new benchmark. They are self-motivated, and self-starters, and will often find themselves by themself as others fail to keep pace. 5. Will Not Make Excuses- What is the difference between an excuse and an explanation? An explanation is a reason why a task was not successful although it was attempted while an excuse is why the task wasn't attempted at all. Self-Mastery does not leave room for excuses. There is no such thing as being too tired, not having enough time, too hard, too much, etc. Adversely, those who engage in self-destruction can easily be found with a privileged mindset towards leisure almost as if navigating life ensures them a weekend filled with brain-numbing, mindless activities. These are the individuals that sleep past noon and then sleep again. Self-destructive individuals operate in self-sabotaging patterns. minimal performance  minimal resultsunsatisfactory outcome sadness/depression>minimal performance. These individuals focus on every single negative aspect of a situation and they sit in it and crumble under the weight of it. They lose sight of their goals because their goals come with discomfort and are often laborious. These individuals specialize in excuses. These statements make them feel better as they recline, miss deadlines, and ride the merry-go-round of self-sabotage. As I said in the beginning, the person you become comes down to a decision. Will you decide that comfort trumps success or the comfort that comes with your success will be worth the decision to be uncomfortable? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine e

Today I just want you to take every negative thought and flip it upside down! Give every negative statement a positive reaction. If you are underemployed.... at least you have a job. If you are short on cash, at least your needs are met. If you miss someone, isn't it awesome that you love someone that much to desire their presence? FLIP IT UPSIDE DOWN!!!! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I'm sure we have heard the quote "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger " to the point of nauseum. However, depending on your mindset (there's that word again) we can find a way to make all setbacks work to our advantage. Adversely, with the wrong approach and wrong mindset, these disruptions methodically add to our demise. We eventually develop patterns that fuel the processes of self-destruction, self-deprecating, and self-sabotage. I would venture to say that the only difference between Self-Mastery and Self-Destruction is the decisions made in moments of adversity. I would also say that individuals who have embraced and practiced a lifestyle of Self-Mastery are more successful, more positive, and more driven people who inhabit leadership mantles while those wading in the waters of Self-Destruction slowly drown in the rivers of their self-sabotage. So let's define what Self-Mastery looks like: 1. Denial of Persistent Comfort- it is a human trait to always look for the softest place to land or the most restful existence, however, the incessant expedition toward amenity creates a docility and thereby an unpreparedness for tenuous circumstances. In other words, an individual with self-mastery does not allow themselves to get soft. In fact, they embrace the discomfort as opportunities to grow, learn, and strengthen. "A man who is unwilling or unable to deny himself the comforts of his flesh deliberately, cannot be trusted during periods of paucity and distress, for it is these men who have become proficient at comfort rather than insufficiency. " Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr 2. Refusing to Adopt the Negative Outlook- we all realize bad days and bad moments will come, but what's most important is our reaction to them. Self-Mastery pushes one to find the lesson, create a positive position, or reframe those moments. These individuals not only flip these situations on their heads, but they do it quickly because quite honestly what good does it do to dwell on an obstacle? 3. Always Focused on Self-Improvement- these individuals are never satisfied with their state in life. They will always strive for more knowledge, improved skills, expansive social networks, and influential positions. This is not a result of being ego-driven, it is the result of wanting to add strengths and reduce weaknesses. 4. Remain Goal Oriented- Self-Mastery cannot sit idle because their sights are always focused on a new benchmark. They are self-motivated, and self-starters, and will often find themselves by themself as others fail to keep pace. 5. Will Not Make Excuses- What is the difference between an excuse and an explanation? An explanation is a reason why a task was not successful although it was attempted while an excuse is why the task wasn't attempted at all. Self-Mastery does not leave room for excuses. There is no such thing as being too tired, not having enough time, too hard, too much, etc. Adversely, those who engage in self-destruction can easily be found with a privileged mindset towards leisure almost as if navigating life ensures them a weekend filled with brain-numbing, mindless activities. These are the individuals that sleep past noon and then sleep again. Self-destructive individuals operate in self-sabotaging patterns. minimal performance  minimal resultsunsatisfactory outcome sadness/depression>minimal performance. These individuals focus on every single negative aspect of a situation and they sit in it and crumble under the weight of it. They lose sight of their goals because their goals come with discomfort and are often laborious. These individuals specialize in excuses. These statements make them feel better as they recline, miss deadlines, and ride the merry-go-round of self-sabotage. As I said in the beginning, the person you become comes down to a decision. Will you decide that comfort trumps success or the comfort that comes with your success will be worth the decision to be uncomfortable? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine e

Have you ever found it difficult to relax, almost as if you have left something undone? I am not necessarily referring to a decision of self-care on a lazy Saturday, but moreso an overarching state that continually remerges in different areas of your life. Many of us are in a perpetual climb of the corporate ladder. We may have already found a comfortable salary, excellent leadership, and a more than conforming schedule, yet we still feel underemployed, underused, and underestimated. This feeling even spills over into our auxiliary activities as well as we watch men claw for positions within the church, intramural sports, coaching systems, etc. Our wonderful Home Owner's Associations instill a subconscious inter-neighborhood competition as they only reward and affirm the best yard with never a mention of the hundreds of manicured yards that owners spent time laboring in for hours simply for their own self-satisfaction. This subversive and divisive system leaves many unsettled. This unsettling effect is very hard to shake loose. We always feel like we should be the boss, the leader, the change maker, or the person at the head of the table. Is this a bad thing or has something been instilled within you to know you have not fully reached your potential? "Remember, you will only ascend to the level of success that you have internally established for yourself; you will not surpass what you have settled in your mind as your pinnacle." Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. If you believe you can be a CEO your subconscious will always drive you towards that mark, thereby leaving you unsettled. If you start to inherit or adopt the mark that others have set for you it dilutes and blurs your own mark, again leaving you unsettled. Being unsettled is just fine as long as it involves action. You can have a better job, a better marriage, a better relationship, and better health. But most importantly, you can be a better "you." Stop being settled with your negative shortcomings. Become unsettled with your lack of kindness, your lack of humanness, your lack of forgiveness, and your lack of unconditional love. Let that unsettling push you toward change and growth and I promise you everything else will follow. You will be at the head of the table because others will be happy to follow you. You will have better relationships because people will be drawn to you. You will be settled because you will finally fit into the purpose you were created for. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Without a doubt, we love to be around knowledgeable people. It gives us the opportunity to obtain new facts and become informed about the world we live in. Those with high IQs naturally remember and store certain facts and find interest in things more than individuals who may not share their level of intelligence. However, does intelligence garner a feeling of warmth and safety? Does a high IQ cause a person to be more introspective and empathetic? Most researchers will tell you the answer is no. Having a high IQ is not an indicator of emotional reception or regulation. However, individuals who have increased their Emotional Intelligence often referred to as "Emotional Quotient" (EQ) tend to hold more value towards a more peaceful and harmonious environment. Let's talk about EQ for a moment. EQ is said to be acquired when an individual can climb each level and finally mastering level four: Perceiving Emotions-understanding signs of emotions accurately Reasoning with Emotions- using emotions to make appropriate decisions Understanding Emotions- interpreting the cause of emotions Managing Emotions- regulating emotions and responding appropriately The truth is that many of us never make it to level four. If we fail to display proficiency in each level it is still paramount that we master level four. We have to learn to manage our own emotions in the midst of any conflict or emotional disruption and act appropriately. For too long we have used the behaviors of others for our poor reactions. The absolute truth is no one can cause you to do anything. Even if our anger or disappointment is justified, it is our responsibility to regulate our emotions so we can communicate on a healthy adult level. Individuals with elevated EQs exhibit a heightened awareness of their emotional states. A person with high EQ is not impulsive or hasty with their actions. They think before they do. This translates into steady emotion regulation, or the ability to reduce how intense an emotion feels Those with high emotional intelligence possess the capability to adapt and uplift their own mood and that of others. We are instinctively attracted to individuals possessing a high EQ. Their effortless and smooth interactions make us feel at ease and comfortable. This ease and grace they display are warmly embraced in every aspect of life, be it at home, in social gatherings, or in the professional realm. These are the people that create an environment of peace Unfortunately, we have not strived to possess a high EQ and these people are increasingly hard to find and our environments of peace are threatened with disruption. It's time for us to make qualities that improve human interaction and condition a priority before we lose the previous possession of human interaction.

Many of us learned the lesson of horticulture in 3rd grade when our teacher allowed us to plant our first seed. We were instructed to use our forefinger to create a cylindrical hole in the soil, place the seed within the hole, and cover the seed with soil concealing the seed. Then we strategically moved our potted seeds as close to the window as possible ensuring it would absorb an abundance of sunlight. From that point forward, sometimes daily we watered our mound of dirt waiting with bated breath for results, any results. At that age, we had no understanding of how this small seed was going to push through the concealment, darkness, and weight and metamorphose into a green plant. What we didn't understand is that each seed has a protective outer shell that will not allow growth until it is in the right environment. The seed also has nutrients inside to sustain it during the growth process, but again none of this takes place until the seed is satisfied and the environment is optimal. That is when the seed opens and roots grow down into the soil. So as a quick review, the seed needs optimal conditions to take root, darkness, soil, isolation, water, and sunlight. The seed will never grow if all these things do not align but rest assured it has enough to sustain itself once the shell is broken. So what seeds have you allowed to be planted into your heart, mind, spirit, and belief system? Have others told you that you aren't good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, or pretty enough? The more important question is have you watered that negative seed by agreeing and shedding light on it? Have you planted your own seed by saying I' 'll never be a wife or a business owner or I' 'll never be a homeowner? Remember, the seed has enough nutrients to sustain itself once you have given it the optimal environment to thrive. You have hidden these negative seeds in darkness and isolation and you are allowing it to grow a root system. You can no longer become a collaborator in your depreciation! "Man has grown so weary with the persistent verbal degradation that he no longer can decipher between the source, the external voices, or the voice from within." Dr. Darren L. DuBose Sr. Do you remember your teacher's warning? "If you dig that seed up too early, you will disturb the environment and it will never grow. " It's time to uproot some bad seeds and some tangled root systems starting today! And from this day forward only accept good seeds, cultivate them, and allow them to multiply. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

"Anything that is purposed with carrying a load consistently for an extended period of time will eventually derail" Think about it for a moment, the most well-built machinery eventually fails and needs maintenance. The best marriages and relationships experience crucial and disheartening disturbances. The body eventually ages and requires surgery. Your dream job will have days that give you nightmares. Once we have accepted this fact, the next step is to determine what we will do once we have run off the track. Although we know some wreckages are unsalvageable, we must be careful to inspect and be sure. An engineer or pilot can not simply walk away from their mass of wrecked metal without a damage assessment. So let's talk about that. When your situation derails use the following to evaluate if it is worth the maintenance (APPLE) Assess yourself- has the situation harmed you permanently or consistently? Profitability- does the situation add to your happiness, health, and overall life? Power- does the situation make you feel powerful or powerless? Limitless- does the situation present you with limitless life options and dreams or are you extremely limited and inhibited? Edification- do you feel honored, respected, and encouraged? This can be applied to relationships, jobs, friendships, and yes, even workouts! Everything will get off track, it is your job to be cognitive of that and equip yourself with the knowledge, determination, and consistency to steer things back on the right path. If you don’t learn from the last derailment or prepare for the next one, the damage will be just as intense or even worse. "Things that were meant to destroy us but didn't are to be used as tools to equip us for the incoming attack, count yourself as a shameful soldier if you run out of bullets on the 2nd attack because you obviously didn't learn from the first one." #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

Good Morning, as we continue on this journey of changing our mindset and thereby changing our lives, I have a simple message. We need to tell ourselves to SHUT UP! I know that doesn’t sound therapeutic or soft like a new puppy, but it’s true! Our inner voice or what we say to ourselves, many times, has already defeated us before our feet ever hit the floor. We act in a form of prestidigitation as we predict what has happened, what has been perceived, what will happen, what we can't do, but most importantly, what they think about us. “So now we have taken our inner detraction and combined it with a perceived detraction of others leaving ourselves frozen in a cacophony of auditory injury” This is why we are so exhausted before we ever leave the house. First, we have convinced ourselves that we are an imposter. Then we have convinced ourselves that they think we are an imposter. We have conjured all of this up without any outward verbal exchange with anyone, this is the result of inner verbal dialogue. We use the same system when looking outwardly at the situation of others. Does any of this sound familiar? “Their relationship is so close because I see them hold hands all the time”, yet we don't realize for that couple, holding hands is habitual and they sleep in separate beds at night. "She looks so lonely without a man in her life", yet we are totally unaware that she is living her best life because she has taken care of others for decades and is simply learning to love herself. “You see, my grass isn't greener than my neighbor's grass, he simply doesn’t have the liberty to stand in my grass and see the diseased bald spots that I fight with daily.” “An outward perspective that lacks internal knowledge of an intricate situation creates a false definition” In other words, you just do not know what is going on outside of your purview. SHUT UP! We complain about how social media poisons the mind of our children while we sit back and poison our own minds on a daily basis. Allow me to let you in on a little secret, the basis of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in its simplest form is reframing negative thoughts or challenging learned negativity. Yes, that’s correct many of you will be paying to learn this from me or other therapists when you can simply train yourself to do it for free. I am quite aware that some of you will not receive, retain, or practice this because of your transgenerational traits. In other words, it runs in the family, but someone has to break the cycle. It was this very cycle that made the mental aspect of slavery so effective. An entire race of people were convinced that they were second-class citizens because they lacked intelligence and strength. While the entire time they outnumbered their captors, they had become active collaborators in their depreciation and had no will to rebel as they started believing the negative inner voices. I finally had to tell myself to SHUT UP. I had convinced myself that I was always there for others but they never show up for me. Well, my face was on the floor when I realized that sometimes all it takes is an invitation. If I had continued to listen to my negative inner voices I would have never been totally filled with the warmth caused by the presence of those that chose to celebrate me. So please today SIT all the way down and SHUT ALL THE WAY UP! #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

As we continue this journey of changing our mindset, I have to remind you that changing your mindset will involve changing your environment or your crowd. So, I want to pose the question,  who really has your back? In order to evaluate that,  we must first separate associates from true friends.  Associates are fun, they are always available for cocktails,  parties, cigars, and even wrongdoings. On the other hand, a friend is someone who persists in standing by your side when the party is over and the harshness of reality sets in. They are the individuals that will not only help you out of the hole but will dig a tunnel for you. There is a story in the Bible where a paraplegic was unable to get through a crowded house to be touched and healed. As the story progresses, his friends carried the man and his pallet onto the roof, tore the roof open, and lowered the man to the feet of Jesus to be healed. Notice that the friends did not jump in themselves because they were totally enmeshed with the needs of their friend. They displayed true selflessness. These pallet carriers are the bar we should set our friendships by. Are they willing to sacrifice so you can be healed? Are they willing to traverse obstacles to help you reach your destiny? Can they recognize your needs and act on the solutions? If the answer is "no" to any of those questions,  you are surrounded by associates.  An associate will "sympathize " with you,  meaning for a moment they will feel sorry for you.  A true friend is empathic which means they choose to feel your pain, share your pain, and seek to take it away. When you can finally identify true friends, you will surround yourself with them because they become copilots in your journey to reach your goal. A friend will work out and eat healthier with you while an associate will order pizza and wings and offer you some while you struggle. It may be a controversial statement but associates are ushers to your relapse, they will happily get into the mud with you because if you are both dirty you are now on even plains. True friends or pallet carriers carry you toward your goals even by using their own strength where yours have failed. When is the last time you were isolated and the phone rang and the voice on the other side said " I'm just checking on you to make sure you are ok" That is a true friend. The distance didn't offend them, it concerned them. If you can call one person a lifetime friend you are lucky,  if you can count two, you are blessed. So, today I challenge you to evaluate who you are surrounded by. Are they carrying your palette or are they just hitching a ride? #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine

I recently had the opportunity to watch an authentic bullfight. A bullfight usually involves a Spanish Fighting Bull (Toro Bravo) weighing between 1,000 and 1,300 pounds. The objective is for the matador to subdue and/or kill the bull to the delight of the cheering crowd. What may not be common knowledge is that the matador is assisted by as many as six assistants, three banderilleros, and two picadors (on horseback). This choreographed band of assassins utilizes swords and razor-sharp knives to weaken the bull through blood loss. The matador continues to entice the bull with a red cape (muleta) and with each passing the bull grows increasingly irritated and exhausted. The exhausted and blood-soaked bull is eventually "mercifully " put out of its misery with a final sword strike between the shoulder blades aimed at severing the spinal cord and producing instant death. There are several ironies and lessons to learn from a bullfight. - The bull is colorblind and is simply angered by the movement of the cape - The bull continues to charge while incurring pain and punishment - The bull charges past the person (several times) who is actually harming him because of his focus on the cape - The bull's aggression is actually the cause of its own demise - Bulls are bred in isolation so the aggression displayed is a (fight or flight) reaction to an unfamiliar and chaotic environment The bull's instinct is for him to display dominance by force which is acceptable behavior in the bovine world. But how many of us have fallen prey to acting out of instinct and aggression rather than reasoning? “When we are in unfamiliar situations or affected by uncomfortable emotions, we lose our ability to make rational decisions.” Our emotions cause us to attempt to bulldoze the situation with brute force. In our emotionally charged state, we continue to make the same horrible decisions while expecting a different outcome. Eventually, we are exhausted, battered, and beaten because of our own instinctual decisions. Many times we pass right by or are unable to recognize the antecedent to our problems because we are focused on the distraction of the waving cape or the jeering crowd around us. If someone has studied our weaknesses, distractibility, and lack of emotional intelligence they can easily make us a participant in their production just like the matador. Most bovine experts will tell you that a bull is serene while alone and becomes aggressive around other cattle. This leads us to another lesson, "we have to be careful that we are not isolated from relationships that make us human as well as humane." “Displays of unbridled aggression and dysregulated emotions usually stem from a place of discomfort and inadequacy.” Finally, we have to stop charging headfirst toward things and people who seek to harm us. If the bull stops charging the show is over. If you want different results, you simply have to show different actions. #changedmindschangelives #bethesunshine